Fears.

Well, this weekend I officially submitted my application to do a DTS in New Zealand starting in July and the fears started flooding in:  what if doing a DTS is not the right thing? What if I’m apart of hard community? What if I have a terrible time? What if it’s like the past three years? What if I never get a teaching job again? Why somewhere new again? Then I started getting fearful about my future even more… what if I won’t be good at getting my masters someday? What if I don’t get married? What if I don’t have a place to call home? Then fears of right now… what if my students don’t learn anything this year? What if I’m not loved by my students or the girls that I will coach? What if something bad happens to me? And they just kept coming…

Fears. They are not from God. It’s the enemy’s way of trying to steer us away from what God is asking/calling/wanting us to do. Fears are meant to bring confusion, anxiety, and selfishness. Fears can keep you struck!

But God is bigger than fears! 

He gives us freedom. Peace. Clear direction. He has a plan and purpose for our lives.  He counters fear with His goodness. His glory. His holiness. He only gives perfect peace. So I declared yesterday and I will continue to declare NO to my fears because I am a child of God. I am brought with a price. Jesus died on the cross for my sins. my selfness. my fears. I am completely His. I am trading my fears for freedom in Him. I am going to go full swing in the direction that enemy doesn’t want me to go in. To do exactly what God is calling me to even when others say it’s crazy or don’t understand or its against the worldly thoughts. God is calling me to this new season of being a student again engaging deeper into His word and heart for the nations. Because I am LOVED, I am WORTH it. I am COMPLETE in Him. I am CHOSEN. CALLED. EQUIP. COURAGEOUS. He is and will continue to declare these truths over my life. A song that has been on repeat in my head since spending the morning yesterday declaring that “I am NO longer a slave to fear. I’m a child of God.” is NO Longer Slaves by Brian Johnson/Jonathan Helser from Bethel Music.  If would you love to be praying for me this week I would appreciate it so much. I am asking that God would confirm to me with only His perfect peace that doing my DTS in New Zealand is exactly what He has for me next. I only want to be exactly where He wants me to be and nowhere else because I have learned through the past three years that I can’t without Him. He is all that I am! He is the only one who can give me the strength and wisdom to press through anything that life throws my way, but I can’t without Him. I would have no purpose without Him. If you have fears that you would love prayer for please let me know I would love to intercede with you declaring freedom for you in your fears to God who wants to wash them away. 

Love, Daniella

**If you would like to know exactly what a DTS is please read the description down below** This is the exact description that YWAM Bethlehem gives for the DTS that I have applied for: 

We have been created for the very purpose of relationship with God, in this way we experience true intimacy and encounter the love God wants us to live in. Everything in our life flows out of this intimacy we have with our Loving Father. From this place of love and intimacy we can shine the heart of God to others and live a life sharing this amazing news of joy and love that satisfies the deepest longings of our heart. As children of God we have a heavenly father who loves us with an everlasting love. Throughout your time here you will gain insight into this amazing truth.

This five month school is very intense and challenging its not for the faint hearted, but for anyone willing to fully commit and wholeheartedly give everything in their pursuit of God. The more you step out and open your heart the more God will encounter you. The staff are committed to seeing break through and freedom in your life, you will be pushed to your limits to ensure you receive all that God has for you.

Are you longing to cultivate a deep relationship with God and know the fullness of life and freedom found only in Jesus? Do you long to know God and make him known? Come join us here in Tauranga for our 5 month Intimacy to Impact school! Throughout a 3 month lecture phase of teachings you will:

-Receive teachings on the character of God

-Discover your true identity and destiny

-Develop a sustainable prayer life

-Form lasting friendships within a community

-Gain a greater understanding of the Father heart of God

-Confidently share the gospel

We also partner with the Tauranga house of prayer and spend time in prayer and worship. This creates an awesome opportunity to hear the very heart of God and strengthen our relationship with him.

The second phase of the school is a two month outreach and opportunity to practically apply all you have learnt. The goal of these two months is to make a lasting impact in the nations. This is from a place of inward transformation and overflow in intimacy. We are called not just to know God but to make him known. In loving God and others we put the first commandments in first place.

What's Next?

In some ways this post is long overdue, but in other ways it might just be the perfect timing. A little over year ago I went through the struggle of figuring out if I should renew my contact for another year at the school that I am currently working at. (And now over a year later I haven't really made it clear with my readers, that’s you what my plans are for this next year….) Over many hours of praying and talking to those who speak truth into my life I made the decision to stay in Korea for another year (this was last year NOT my decision for this year. keep reading to find out)… At the time I had no idea that this would be one of the hardest years. There has been SO much that has happened and it has honestly left me physically drained and lots of questions. I can say that God has been faithful through every moment. He has given me the strength, wisdom, support and encouragement right when I needed it. There have been many dark days and many days where I have gone to bed thinking “this is not fair.” “Why is this happening?” “It was suppose to be the third year is a charm!” 

As I have been reflecting and focusing on how to finish well God has been speaking to my heart…early this week I was reading in Genesis about Jacob and Esau how the blessing was stolen. I also read a commentary about this passage from shereadstruth afterwards and  a few things that resonated with my heart were these quotes “God never called your pain fair, BUT He says He will use it.” (from Romans 8:28)  Also, “God takes the brokenness of this world the stolen blessing in my life, and turns them around to bring His purpose and His good-which is always better than I could have imagined. (1 Cor 2:9). The things that have happened and the things that are happening are things that I would have never imagined would have happened, but they are no surprise to God. He didn’t want these things to happen because He never wants bad to happen, but He will use it to bring to good. He is using this time to deepen my faith in Him. To teach me that I can only rely on Him alone. I have been disappointment by man so many times this year. Promises. Expectations. Fairness. have not be followed through, but where is my focus? Is it on my circumstances or are my eyes turned to heaven? I never wish this past year of my life on everyone. I wish all the time that I didn’t have to go through this, but I do… it’s reality. So I am going to walk through it with the only way that I know  and that’s walking with my God. That’s daily asking for His presence and Holy Spirit to be with me. That’s praying over my classroom declaring that God will be presence and His love will overflow. That’s asking a group of people to commit to praying with me each week. One of my favorite songs this season is “where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom!!!” I am praying that over my situation this year. One lady that has joined me in prayer sent me an email with lyrics from one of my favorite songs “Oceans” by Hillsong:

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior”

This year I am learning to trust without borders. I am learning to go deeper than my feet would ever wander and my faith is being made stronger. 

With all this said God has really been speaking to my heart for the past 9 months about taking more time to focus on my relationship with Him, to be refreshed by Him and be excited for what He has for me in the future. He is holding the desires of my heart so closely and preparing me for them. So my plans are to finish my contact here at ICS-P this June well then fly back to states for about a month. After that I am in the process of applying for a DTS in New Zealand starting in July through December.  For those of you who do not know what a DTS is it is discipleship training school with YWAM (Youth with a Mission.) The mission organization that my parents have been apart of for over thirty years. It is a time of 3-months of lecture phrase learning more about who God is, the character of God, prayer, missions-minded, ect. and then 3-months of practicing what you have learned in lecture phase on the field. The location will be determined during my time in New Zealand. I am SUPER excited for this next step in my life. It’s God’s perfect timing. I was not meant to do my DTS right after high school or college, but now after three years of teaching. It’s the right timing- my soul is longing for it. My tentative plans for afterwards are to go back to the states to teach in a public school. God has given me a huge heart to teach in the public school. To be a light in the darkness that so many are running away from.  Of course I am not planning too far ahead because you never know what will happen, but I do know I see a light at the end of the tunnel and that helps keep my focus to finish this race here in Korea well. Thank you SO much for your prayers and support! 

Love, Daniella

A little European Christmas

Where has the past three weeks gone? It feels like yesterday I arrived in Switzerland to meet my sister before we both flew to Norway to spend Christmas with our brother and sister-law. What an amazing Christmas holiday it has been in Europe. Europe just knows how to do Christmas right with deep traditions and coziness of the season. It has truly been magical and refreshing…. just what my soul needed.

Norway was good to me with late sunrises and early sunsets creating lots of opportunities to catch up on sleep. I almost think I got more sleep in my time in Norway then I have over the past semester. It has been a struggle staying asleep in Korea waking up each morning with no choice at 4am. Anyways, Norway was relaxing and cozy. Christmas was so special spending it with my sibling celebrating in a new culture. Norway’s biggest Christmas day is Christmas Eve. We went to a beautiful Christmas Eve service then had the yummiest Christmas meal with ribs, sausages, potatoes, and more. Of course dessert and coffee. Oh, my goodness Norway has there coffee after every meal. So good! Then we sang around their Christmas tree that was placed in the middle of the room. We held hands and circled the Christmas tree singing songs in Norwegian. Of course my siblings and I just hummed along! :) Then Santa knocked at the door and delivered a gift to each of the children.  We then  watched the cute little children open their gifts. There is just something so special about children at Christmas time. After a few hours of gift opening we had another round of dessert. Oh, dear! It was good for the sweet tooth, but not good for the pants. Christmas was fun in Norway. It also made me realize how much I love having my whole family together for Christmas. My parents were missed dearly. 

This past week in Switzerland has been so good. I have gone down memory lane remembering my childhood here…. the sledding hill, walking in the forest, seeing the donkeys, grocery shopping at Migros, Ikea, shopping in Lausanne with my mama, walking along Lake Geneva in Ouchy, eating raclette, and  seeing my school, ect.  

And now I leave Europe tomorrow to head back to Korea. I don’t exactly feel ready, but I am praying that I will be brave. This past year has been hard, but I have read over and over agin in the Bible that God is so faithful in the hard. He carries us. My deep desire is to finish this year off well. I want to be able to forgive and move forward from this past semester. I don’t want to carry the rubbish from the past with me, but just the things that God has taught me. I am still very weak physically; easily getting tired, but it is allowing me to slow down and simplify my life. God has placed some specific people in my life to speak wisdom to me about my situation this past week; really challenging me to cover this semester in prayer and not let the strongholds of the country or school to overcome me personally, but to set my eyes on the freedom in Jesus. Would you pray with me that I would finish this semester off well? That I would end my time in Korea on a positive note and that I would transition to what God is calling to me next well? Here’s to a fresh start of a new year! 

With  love, Daniella 

To My Grandpa

My sweet grandpa went to heaven, October 31st, 2015. It’s hard to believe that only a month has gone by without his presence here on earth.  Even though I live thousands miles away I am reminded of him throughout my weeks and grief hurts. I am so thankful that I was able to have two-weeks off from teaching to go back to say good-bye and be a support to my grandma  and mama. I arrived just in time to have a short, but sweet little evening by my grandpa’s bedside in the nursing home.  He was unable to talk, but he could hear our voices. My grandma says “he was waiting for me to come back.” He smiled when he heard my voice. The very last thing I said to him was “I love you, grandpa” and then I kissed him on the head as we said “good-night” and had plans to come back right away in the morning to spend the day with him. I never got to come back and spend the day with him because he entered into heaven’s gate early that morning.  I was hoping to have some more time with him, but now I just have the wonderful memories and working through grief. Grief does crazy things to you and right now I am in the “I wish I would have…” I wish I would have just stand the night with him… I didn’t sleep at all that night- I was so restless, but it just wasn’t meant to be and I have to be okay with that. I am trying to focus on the things that I loved about my grandpa. I loved his sweet tooth. He would always take 3 or 4 treats off the plate that I was serving to him and then wink his eye at me. It was our little secret… shhh!  He had a huge sense of adventure- really never a dull moment. My very favorite, but scary memory of his sense of adventure was when my brother and I traveled back to Washington with my grandparents. My grandpa decided to take a “short-cut”. The “short-cut” was an old logging road- let’s just say it was a very bumpy, high, close to the edge of the cliff kind of road. Scary! He drank at least 3 glasses of milk a day and let me tell you he had the strongest bones until the very end! He loved to tell stories over and over again, but even though I sometime tuned them out I miss them. Every summer for the past 12 summers I have spent some time at my grandparents and every time I was there my grandpa would have me cut his toe nails… oh, my! He would also always save me the Sunday morning ads from the newspaper and ask me how many miles I ran when I would come back from running. He was proud of me and it’s wonderful to have a supporter like that! There are so many wonderful memories that I have of my grandpa, but the one that I am missing the most right now is no matter how many times I talked to him on FaceTime he couldn’t get over the fact that I was talking to him all the way from Korea. It just amazed him. I miss that. Yes, I am thankful knowing that his body is renewed in heaven and that he is no longer in pain, but I miss him. I love you grandpa! Thanks for loving me well. 

And my sweet grandma is an amazing role model to me. I am so thankful for her love, support and prayers. She is grieving the lost of her husband of 65 years. She says “I am focusing on finding at least one blessing day to help me through this time.” She is a beautiful woman of God. I love you, grandma! 

Love, Daniella

in all circumstances

“rejoice always. pray without ceasing. give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”   {first thessalonians five: sixteen-eighteen}

This Thanksgiving finds my heart filled with many emotions: grief, exhaustion, frustration, but also deep down joy, love and overflowing thankfulness. Over the past two and half weeks I have been challenged by {first thessalonians five: sixteen-eighteen} where it says “give thanks in all circumstances.” Yes, this means even in times of valleys our hearts should give thanks. When you first think about it- it sounds crazy, but I can testify that continuing to give thanks in all circumstance of life helps you to keep your focus on the one that truly matters, Jesus Christ. It helps us keep our eyes focus heavenward even when we don’t understand why things happen or experience deep hurt and grief. Tears have been close this Thanksgiving day as I reflect over the past year and more recently the past few weeks, but in it all I am thankful that I have a God that I can trust. I am thankful that I have a family who listens and prays for me daily. I am thankful for a #familyawwayfromfamily that loves me and includes me into their family. I am thankful for friends to bake and cook with. I am thankful for cozy afternoons of listening to Christmas music and journaling. I am thankful that in all circumstances God is in control and will work it for His good. I am thankful that even when the world seems to be in complete chaos we can find peace and hope in our Savior. I am thankful. So I am continuing to chose to rejoice and praise God for all that He has done. I am committing time throughout my day to stop and pray for all the things that are heavy on my  heart today… the list consist of at least 15 things, but even when I don’t have words to pray God hears my heart and cry and I can believe that He will be near to the brokenhearted. His love will overwhelm each and every person on my heart. He will act in His way and timing so I chose to trust and be thankful for today and every day that gives me. Let thankfulness flow from our hearts as we live day for our Savior. 

Happy Thanksgiving, Daniella

{Family} away from Family

A couple of days I go I posted a picture on instagram with a big caption that was an explosion from my heart of a topic that God has been stirring inside of me for the last year or so. And now I would love to go a little deeper into it.... 

 

I posted this picture and said “Words can't capture how I felt today spending the day with these two. So thankful for their little lives and their mama and dad who have welcomed me into their family so well. This is what it means to live life with Christ in the center breaking down worldly standards for Christ standards of loving people in all stages of life. If you are single and living away from your family I strongly encourage you to seek out a godly family to adopt you, love on you, support you and challenge you in your faith. If you are a family I strongly encourage you to reach out to a single in your life that is living far away from family to adopt into your family. The experience and relationship is a blessing both ways!!” 

Transitioning out of college was hard. It was hard to go from a close knit-community and place where no matter what time of day you had someone to talk to. Moving to another country was hard. Everything is/was so different and takes time to adjust to. And then both of these situations brought me far away from my family and that’s just hard in itself because my family is and will always be my #1 encouragers. They love me no matter what. They pray and challenge me. They listen and give wisdom. They are always there (even from across the ocean), but it’s hard not having their physical presence always near. 

And this is where my family away from family comes in. I am SO thankful for them and my family is SO thankful for them. I was just talking to my parents about this this weekend and my mom just kept saying how thankful she is that I have a “family away from family” here. You see this “family away from family” will never take the place of my family, but they do have another special place in my life in the season that I am in right now. They are who I can depend on right now for a physical hug, a home-cooked meal, wisdom and love in person. They can be at my door in 15 minutes. And they give me the opportunity to love on them and be apart of their family. It is hard to describe exactly, but I think this special bond of “family away from family” is exactly what I think Christ ask of us. To live life with one another. To go beyond our worldly “family” and be a family with other believers. Living life with others and not allowing “rules” of family to hinder us from walking together towards Christ. 

Yes, some of you may think this is silly or that this relationship can become inclusive, but it’s not. It’s family and you know what you hang out with your family. You do things with your family. You see your family often when you live in the same place. And you talk to them often. So why does it have to be any different when it’s your family away from family?!?! 

So, I would love to encourage you again if you are single and living away from your family to seek out a godly family to adopt you, love on you, support you and challenge you in your faith. If you are a family I encourage you to reach out to a single in your life that is living far away from family to adopt into your family. “ From experience it is a blessing both ways. 

Just some of my thoughts about the topic of “family away from family”. I would love to hear your thoughts about 

this topic or/and hear about your experience with a “family away from family.” 

My family! 

My "family away from family"with my mama! 

Love, Daniella

{Psalm Twenty-Three}

Warning: This blog post is really honest and exactly what I am thinking…. 

A week filled with discouragement, feeling sick to my stomach, headaches, crabbiness, lost of joy and the feeling of wanting it all to go away, but just can’t seem to push it all aside no matter how much I give it to God. Surrender. Asking for joy. Trying to focus on the positive. Faking being okay. I am tired. I am tired of feeling this way. I want change, but it’s not coming. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am going to be honest: I have no idea what to do. I don’t know how to move pass where I am. I don’t know where I am suppose to be. I have spent hours praying. I have spent hours reading God’s word. But I feel like I am in a fog. I feel like I am struck and I just can’t get out. I feel so small. So indecisive and scared. I am scared of what’s to come. But my Savior has faithfully been showing me this week that His perfect love castes out all fear. 

I boldly prayed early this week that God would show me each day how much He loves me. How much His love covers me and fills me up. That I am completely His and that He is with me. He hasn’t promised that life would be easy, but He has promised that He will be with us and that ’s what I am clinging to these days when I just don’t know. He showed me in such amazing little ways throughout this week His love for me.

One way that He showed me was when I was talking to my parents. Let me stop for moment and tell you how amazing my parents are. They have been so supportive. a listening ear. encouragers. pray warriors. and have given such great wisdom from across the world. One night I was facetiming with them and my dad starting praying Psalm 23 over me. And tears immediately came to my eyes.  Let me explain that this a special passage for my dad and I. It’s a passage that my dad has prayed over  me too many times to count especially when I was little and went through a phrase of waking up with nightmares every night for a month. I am so thankful to my parents for always pointing me back to Christ in all situations. And the passage goes like this: 

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness 

for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the 

valley of the shadow of death. 

I will fear no evil for you are with me; 

your rod and your staff, 

they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me 

in the presence of my enemies;

you anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

all the days of my life,

and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord

 forever.

{Psalm Twenty-Three}

I have no idea what tomorrow will look like. I have no idea where I will be in a week or month or a year. I have no idea how I am going to move on. How I am going to be the teacher that my students need me to be. I have no idea how I am going to walk through this valley of death. Face my enemies. Face my fears. But I do know that I am not alone and that only one person can answer all these questions so I just have to keep walking with Him. He will restore my soul. Lead me in righteousness. Lay me down in green pastures. He will comfort me. Prepare me for my enemies. Anoint me. My cup will overflow again. And I will walk with goodness and mercy following me and dwell in the house of Lord. It may not be in the timing or way that I am imagining, but I surrendering that and laying my desires at the feet of Christ.  

And that’s all I have to say tonight. I am exhausted. My bed is calling my name again. Prayers are always appreciated! Thanks for listening (reading)! 

Love, Daniella