Deep Ache

Since arriving in Korea something that I have seen almost daily is a dragon fly. You may be thinking what is so special about a dragon fly?? While in my life a dragon fly holds a place in my heart. Dragon flies reminds me of my sweet, Auntie Oak. My aunt was like a second mom to me not because my mom was not there, but because my aunt could never have kids so she poured out her love on all of her nephews and nieces. She was such a blessing in my life. She always believe in me, understood me, cared for me and spoiled me. There are so many memoires that I have with her, but I think my favorite was when I spent the summer being her “assistant”! I helped her pack up her house and move into her dream house. We spent hours going through her things laughing, crying, talking and taking shopping breaks or coffee breaks or taco bell breaks. I learned a lot from her that summer.

These days I have a deep ache- the ache is filled with loss- I miss my Auntie Oak so deeply these days. It is still so hard to really think she is gone and that I will not see her until I go to heaven. She was supposed to see me graduate and become a teacher. She was supposed to be at my wedding someday and meet my children. She was supposed to see my siblings do the same. Sometimes I still do not understand why God had her become so sick and take her away from this earth so early, but I know that I can find peace in Him beyond all understanding. She is no longer suffering and she left this world in peace with God and all those around her. I feel selfish in wanting her to still be alive. I just so badly want to talk to her, shop with her, and be supported by her. I wish I could tell her all about my students, and how I decorated my classroom. I wish I could laugh with over my poorly made pillowcases and complain to her how expensive Starbucks is here.

But since arriving in Korea I have been reminded of her often through dragon flies. Auntie Oak loved dragon flies- she had everything dragon fly. Every time I see a dragon fly two things come to my mind that “I am not alone and a reminder of what she would always said to me “live life simply!”.

My favorite dragon fly moment so far  in Korea was on the first day of school. It was the middle of the morning and a dragon fly flew right by my window- it brought a smile to my face and thought “Daniella, you can do this!” I am so thankfully for these little reminders that remind me of my aunt even though these days I miss her more deeply than I have had in a long time. I am so thankfully for the years that I did get to spend with her and I love the memoires that we created, but I’m sad for the days that I don’t get to spend with her. All the days we are missing out on!

Oh, Auntie Oak! I will always love and miss you deeply!

Love, Daniella