I know that’s God is in control and that He is faithful and that He has a plan for me, but why don’t I know it yet?! IT’s a question that has continually gone through my head this past week. I just want to know what’s next. I just want to know what to expect. It’s hard for me to just pause and wait. To pause and listen ever so carefully to what God is whispering to me. Am I missing it? I need to remind myself to pause. I need to remember to seek God and ask for confirmations. I need to open my mind and heart and allow God to do His work. Humble myself. Bend my knees and lay down my expectations.
All this to say a decision that I have made this week has been one of the hardest decisions that I have made in a really long time and that is that I will be staying in Korea for Christmas this year. It is just not realistic to go back to the States this Christmas with ticket prices and such. My soul is saddened that I won’t be with my family over Christmas, but I feel that God has something very special for us all during this time. It scares me a little to think that I will spending Christmas alone, but at the same time I have such a peace about it. A peace that Christmas will have a new meaning for me this year. I have no idea what it will look like, but I trust in my God who loves me. Who likes me. This decision has definitely caused some tension in my soul. Tension of sadness of not spending this beautiful time with my family, but also a sense of excitement to spend a Christmas in Korea. I am looking forward to long cozy days reading, drinking hot chocolate and maybe a little traveling around Asia?! So, yes one of my two decisions is made. Yes, I am still having a little doubt as write this that this decisions is the right one (because who in their right mind would chose to not be with their family at Christmas when you are single?!?) I love my family so much and I miss them so much, but I am trusting God. I am trusting that He knows what’s best. He will be with me no matter where I am. That’s what I am clinging to. My Savior is always with me!!!