It’s been six weeks since I have been “resting” and with the bug being gone at around 3 weeks I naturally thought I would be all energy today. I mean the doctor said 6 weeks, right? Well, I am learning that it is going to be a much longer journey than I anticipated… I should have listened to the doctor’s in New Zealand who said 6 months because New Zealand just knows how to live a much slower pace than America! That’s one thing I LOVE about New Zealand!
For those of you who may not know all the details of my journey the past couple of months with being sick here’s a little snapshot:
The very last week I was in Nepal I got really sick. I mean I literally couldn’t keep anything in, but by the grace of God and a lot of grit I just kept on going. I mostly recovered at least I thought I did when I arrived back in New Zealand. I still had a few symptoms, but I just thought it was adjusting back to being in first-world nation again. I literally believe that God gave the strength to make it through outreach and debrief week. Once I left YWAM Bethlehem my body crashed. I was completely exhausted. I was staying with my mama’ best friend in New Zealand. I just thought my exhaustion was from the intense time in DTS then the next week my friend from the states came to New Zealand so we could do a little bit of exploring together. We spent one day walking around Auckland and towards the end of the day I felt like I was going to faint. It was a close call. We canceled our plans and instead spent the week at my mama’s friend as I continue to feel faintish and have no energy. We would do a few things a day and then I would need to rest. I went to the doctors in New Zealand where I got blood work done as well as stools samples sent to the labs. The doctor said I probably got something in Nepal and it would take 6 months to go through my system and that I just needed to listen to my body. I flew home and pushed through the holiday season with my family. I finally got my test results back where they discovered that I got a rare amoeba. Basically the amoeba has been eating all my nutrients so my body wasn’t getting what it needed to function hence why I felt weak and faintish. I went to the doctor’s here in the states and got some medicine and a few check-ups. I sent in another stool sample and it came back saying NO more amoeba! (happy dance) The doctor said I just need 6 weeks of rest (which is officially today). BUT guess what I still feel tired and can’t do very much in day, but I much better than I was a month ago where I hit rock-bottom and couldn’t do anything. I am learning that it’s going to be a journey gaining back energy and healing my digestive tact and not in the timetable I was hoping for… it’s been hard. My life has turned a complete 180 and I am terrible at resting for so long! I just get ants in my pants and want to do something!!!
So it may be a long road of recovery up to 6 months and to be honest right now that sounds daunting and disappointing (naturally), but I am also realizing that I am learning a whole lot during this time…
I am realizing that I am weak, but God is strong. I am learning what rest means in my life and that it’s hard for me, but what I need it. I am learning what self-care look likes. I am learning to give up pride every single day! I am learning how to simplify my life and think about what really matters. It has definitely been a deep soul searching time. A time where I have had to be really honest with God. A time where I have to learn in a BIG ways how to trust God in the valley and to keep resting in Him. He is my only source of strength.
I hope to look back on this season and see all the good in it. To see all the wildflowers in the valley, but right now I am fighting for it be over to be honest. It’s never fun to be in the valley!
On the bright side I get to hang out all day in leggings, drink lots of tea, read tons of books (I need some lighter-reading books. I have been reading a lot of heavier thinking books and my brain needs a break. Haha! Any good suggestions?), spend time with my grandma, cook yummy meals, write letters, enjoy watercolor art and journal and not feel guilty about any of it because it's all I can do! Someday I will be working again, someday I will be in small group again, someday I will be able to drive the car again and more... it's a season and it will evidently come to end...yay!
Thanks for all your prayers, support and encouragement. This words of affirmation lady sure appreciates it! If you could please continue to pray that my body would heal, that I would learn how to slow down, that I would create healthy habits for the future and that I give myself lots of grace in this season! Thank you so much!
Much love, Daniella
|Holding onto this promise always!|