A Losing Year

Losing means in very smiley words "not winning."  I’m getting good at losing this year- I think it’s for a reason- to learn and be reminded that I need God’s strength. That my identity is not in what I do, but in how God works through me. It’s not about being on top, but it’s about the lessons learned along the journey! 

There have been so many things this year where I have to had to bend my knees and release my control and abide in God. To “lose”. To walk in His leadings and do what He is calling me to without receiving the human recognition that my prideful heart longs for. 

The loss of a leadership position, but instead God has given me the natural ability to keep leading without a “title”.  The loss of undefeated season and championship win in coaching soccer, but far better than any win as a coach I experienced the joy of seeing my team learn so many amazing life lessons as well as growing closer together as a team. The loss of my dear grandpa. This one hurts deeply as I grieve still, but in the grieving God has drawn me closer to His heart. The loss of my half marathon. This one I physically lost to my own self standings compared to my other races, but somehow this race was one of my favorite races as I struggled to cross the finish line. The loss of learning my ministry here with mentoring high school girls’ instead the Lord has placed it upon my heart to keep pursuing some of them even after I am gone. Knowing that soon I will experience the loss of being present in Lucy's life, but continually being reminded that the Lord provides for our every need. That He has Lucy in the palm of His hands and that He has the perfect plan for her. The loss of being in the same place as my family away from family, but knowing that God has forever marked them on my heart and there will always be room at the table with them. The loss of another year teaching, but knowing that beyond a doubt God has plans for me in this new season of YWAM in New Zealand. 

You see it’s a losing year for me. It’s a year where I have had to learn to embrace the losses because in the end I am learning that all that matters is my heart’s attitude and what God is teaching me in the process. 

It’s been tough facing so many losses this year. For awhile it brought me under and I felt like I was drowning in it, but slowly my feet have started finding the ground and knowing that this season can’t last forever, but my hope in God can brings me closer to the shore. 

{God, thank you for being the only thing that my heart truly wants to “win” in. That even in the losses I can see the lessons. I pray through every loss that I would grow closer to you. To see you in everyone of them. To rest in you and embrace losses and the wins!} 

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increase strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not be faint. “ 

Isaiah 40:28-31

Of course there were a few wins this year as well. Winning Seoul Conquest for the third time in a row and having a fun day exploring with high schoolers. Wining Coach of the Year and loving every minute of coaching the past three seasons. Winning some awesome friendships this year that I am so thankful for. I would have never made it through the year without them. I guess life is all about the wins and losses and the journey through them. 

 {God, thank you for working in me and using the losses and wins in my life to point myself towards you! May I continue to wait (abide) in you for renew strength as I finish this season and enter into a new one} 

Love, Daniella